apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
