my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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