ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
