garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
