I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
