I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
