he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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