sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
