My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
