Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
