i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
