I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
