just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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