Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Two words: nipple clamps
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