I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
