It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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