i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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