I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
