I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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