If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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