guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
