She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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