i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
