guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
