So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
