Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
