Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
