I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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