But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
