If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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