she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
