a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
