I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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