She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
