U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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