he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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