walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
