Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
