dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
