I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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