currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He said I have the āDenzel Washingtonā of vaginas.
Randomize
