Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
