I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
