Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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