Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
