I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
