no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
