I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
