i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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