Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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